The lifestyle has a vocabulary of its own, mostly so that couples can say exactly what they want and do not want in a sentence. These are the words you will see on profiles, in the forum and at the bar of any club, defined the way the people who use them mean them.
The basics
- The lifestyle, LS. Swinging, as the people who do it call it. "Are you in the lifestyle?" is the polite question at a party.
- Swinging. Couples having consensual sexual experiences with other people together, as a recreational and shared part of their relationship. The relationship is the center; the play is the activity.
- ENM, CNM. Ethical non-monogamy and consensual non-monogamy: the umbrella terms covering swinging, open relationships and polyamory. On a profile, "ENM" usually signals a couple who may play separately as well as together.
- Open relationship. Partners who have sex with other people, usually separately, by agreement.
- Polyamory, poly. Multiple romantic relationships at once, with everyone's knowledge. Not the same as swinging, though the two communities overlap at the edges.
- Vanilla. Anyone and anything not in the lifestyle: vanilla friends, a vanilla bar, a vanilla holiday.
- Newbie. A couple new to the lifestyle. Not an insult; clubs run nights for them.
Who people are
- Couple. The basic unit of the lifestyle. Invitations go to a couple, and a no from either half is a no from both.
- Single female, single male. People who attend without a partner. Single women are welcome almost everywhere; single men are admitted on specific nights, at a higher cover, or by invitation.
- Unicorn. A single woman who plays with couples, so called because she is rare. Couples looking for one are "unicorn hunting," and the forum has strong opinions about how to do it politely.
- Bull. A single man who plays with a couple where the woman is the focus, usually in a hotwife or stag-and-vixen arrangement.
- Hotwife. A woman in a committed relationship who plays with other men with her partner's knowledge and enthusiasm. The partner may watch, join or stay away.
- Stag and vixen. A couple in a hotwife arrangement where the man ("stag") is an involved, confident partner who enjoys sharing rather than being sidelined. Distinct from cuckolding, where his exclusion is the point.
- Bi-comfortable, bi-curious, bi. Profile terms for how each partner feels about same-sex play, from "fine being in the room" to "interested" to "yes."
- Voyeur, exhibitionist. People who come to watch or to be watched and do not necessarily play.
What people do
- Soft swap. Playing with another couple with intercourse reserved for your own partner. Usually kissing, touching and oral; the exact line varies by couple.
- Full swap. Intercourse with the other couple's partner. The soft swap vs full swap guide covers the whole spectrum.
- Same room. Both couples play in the same room, in sight of each other.
- Separate room. The swapped pairs play in different rooms.
- Girl-girl, GG. The women playing with each other, usually with partners present.
- Group, moresome. More than two couples, or a couple and singles, playing together.
- Play. The all-purpose word for any sexual activity in the lifestyle, as in "are you playing tonight?"
- Compersion. Pleasure at your partner's pleasure with someone else. Many couples discover it is what they were looking for.
- Aftercare. The debrief and reconnection a couple does after a night out. The relationship guide explains why it matters.
- Veto. The agreed right of either partner to end a connection with a particular person or couple, no reason required.
- Rules, boundaries. The agreements a couple makes about what is and is not on the table. Stated on profiles, repeated at the door.
Where it happens
- On-premise. A club or party where play happens on site, with rooms or areas for it.
- Off-premise. A bar, lounge or social where people meet and flirt; anything more happens elsewhere. The club directory labels every venue one or the other.
- Club. A fixed, members-only lifestyle venue, usually with a membership fee, a nightly cover and a dress code.
- Social, meet and greet, M&G. A scheduled gathering, usually monthly and off-premise, where couples meet with nothing more on the agenda. Also the term for a first drinks meeting between two couples.
- House party, private party. A vetted, invitation-only party in a private home. See the house-party guide.
- Takeover. A hotel, resort or ship booked out by a lifestyle organizer for a weekend or a week, so that the whole property is private. Hotel takeovers and cruises are listed in the directory.
- Lifestyle resort. An adults-only resort with clothing-optional areas and, usually, a playroom; couples-only at some. See the resort listings.
- Playroom, group room, couples room. The play areas inside an on-premise venue. A group room is open to many; a couples room is for couples only; a private room has a door you can close.
- Newbie night. A club night, often midweek, for first-timers, with a tour, a smaller crowd and sometimes the membership fee waived.
- Theme night. A club night with a dress code: lingerie, white party, masquerade, fetish. Posted on the events calendar.
- BYOB. Bring your own bottle. Most on-premise clubs in the United States cannot serve alcohol, so you check your bottle at the door and staff serve it back.
Online
- Profile. The couple's page on a lifestyle site. A good one states who you are, what you want, your swap level and your boundaries. The guide to finding couples near you covers what makes one work.
- Verified. A profile checked by the site as belonging to real people. Verified couples get far more replies.
- Validation, reference. A note from another couple confirming they met you and you are who you say. The currency of house-party invitations.
- Private album. Photos shared only after a conversation, as opposed to the public profile.
- Other sites. SLS (SwingLifeStyle), SDC and Kasidie are the other lifestyle sites you will hear named at clubs; many couples keep a profile on more than one.
At the door
- Membership. The annual or one-time fee that makes a club a private club. Required almost everywhere.
- Cover. The per-night admission, usually higher for single men and on Saturdays.
- Couples only. A night or venue that admits no singles.
- Dress code. Enforced. "Dress to impress" means cocktail wear or lingerie, not jeans.
- No means no. The rule under every other rule. The etiquette guide is the long version.
Once the words make sense, the member directory and the local groups are where they get used, and the quickest way to learn the rest is to ask a couple there what a term on their profile means. They will be glad you asked.