I swear this is a true story

Back in 1981 I dated a young woman named Wendy. It was early in our relationship and I was left horny after a sex-less date. I was so hard that it felt like someone could do chinups with my manhood (if only it was long enough).

Without intention to do anything Im about to relate, I stopped by a Wendys fast-food joint several miles from her home. Whats hilarious to me is that I order a double cheeseburger, fully intent on eating it as any other meal Ive consumed.

I parked near the parking lot exit as I usually did so that I could deposit my trash after eating what I bought simply by reaching through my truck window and placing it in the convenient trash can.

I start tearing into the fries and took a sip on the drink while listening to the FM station. I dont know who recorded it, nor its title, but the song that was playing has a lyric thats sung sultrily Oooooh, Id love to love you baby.

So Im hornier than a herd of bull elephants in must, and to deal with it, I look at the side of my double cheeseburger and thought to myself Its too bad I couldnt get Wendys jeans open this easily.

Right behind that thought was that instinctual urge to hump someone. Since there was no someone present, that warm and juicy cheeseburger called out to me (well, metaphorically speaking).

I opened up my jeans, scanned the nightly surroundings and proceeded to slide my pants to above my knees and put that cheeseburger to work like a much-needed hooker.

I busted my load and thought that it might raise suspicion if I order another one and would be a waste of money to toss away my substitute lover of sorts. So I ate my cum-filled double cheeseburger.

Sometimes I think of re-enacting that exercise. All these 42 years later I have yet to. Wendy herself and I went on to enjoy some sexual adventures of our own. Some of the best sex I ever had in fact. But that sex-date with the cheeseburger is among the best orgasms Ive had with any human partner.

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