New here. I need advice.

My wife and I have been swinging for about a year, we have had alot of fun and it has been a good experience and we enjoy the LS. Earlier in our adventure she went on a vanilla bachelorette party and ended up kissing some guy. I had my issue with it as he was unknown to us and I was uncomfortable with the safety position she put herself in. We worked through it quickly. She understood my concerns and felt remorse. This helped us establish new rules. Fine, done, pretty simple.

Here is where I need help. Last weekend she was invited to an all girls LS party. She is bi and had my permission to play as I know all the women. Turns out, unknown to us, a male was invited to this party. When she arrived she had already had a few drinks and continued to do so. As the night went on she ended up giving him a BJ with two other women and he went down on her. This is a direct violation of our rules. No play with people the other partner does not know and give permission for and no play separately (the girl party being the one exception...with girls only as it was not expected a male would be there).

When I picked her up I asked her how her night was and said "there were no men there right?" She told me yes, there was one who was invited by another girl. I asked if She did anything and she told me immediately. I lost it, I felt like my heart was ripped out. After some strong emotional talk I asked if he went down on her and she said yes. She wasn't going to lie. At this point i felt like my wife of 20 years was lost to me.

She is regretful, she is sorry, she knows what she did is wrong. She has shed tears with me and says she is ashamed in herself and cannot understand how she justified what she did in the moment. I do believe her.

We're swingers, sex outside of each other is not the issue. Betrayal is the issue. But where do I go from here? I have cried lonely tears in my office trying to figure out what I should feel, how i should proceed? Is this just a simple breaking of rules, which we all have experienced or is this bigger? I have no one to talk to about this. Please help.

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