Our first threesome and storm/insight warmly appreciated

Hi There!
We are new here and as a little bit information of more experienced people makes you wiser here we go !
I (woman) am new to swing lifestyle. I always fantasized about it but never really tried up untill last week with my partner of 4 years.
He had threesome in the past and kept many nice memories about it.
We were up untill now open to the discussion, I find we have a good communication but we remained monogamous till now due to my attachment style (I had issues that I worked on therapy) and to the fact that, actually, we were satisfied with each other.
My therapy was over and I wanted to give it a go.
We started with a threesome.
I read the ethical slut like the bible and we invited the girl to eat with us in order to break the ice first.
It went wel/neutral, I am not really Bi, more heteroflexible/sapiosexual.
He was happy !
So we invited her for the night, we book a suite in an hotel and we took good care that she felt at ease.
She was more into me than into him which created a first akward point.
Then she competed with me to get him everytime I tried to go back to my partner.
For instance, she pushed my hand away from his dick to take it.
She made herself come in every position possible with the both of us and my partner not really listening to what we both needed.
The feelings I have got out of it is that we were dildo's
Well all of that description is my emotional vision , of course.
I got a fright, got jaleous, eventually ending up cockblocking him as after 5 hours he didn't came and I got a huge drop I called it a night.
I do not think I was the ethical slut I wanted to be. But so was nobody else in the room.
I am sorry for her too but she said she enjoyed it, I found myself to be a pain in the ass (not litteraly we hadn't brought any strap on :P )

So ... That didn't went really as planned :)
We are over it now after 4 days full on talking but GOD that was HARD !
It brought all my insecurities back, but that was good as I eventually got what triggered me (I had more difficulties seeing him touching her hand than enjoying her pussy) and he was sweet and caring listening to all of it.
He was on the other hand super frustrated and it took surprisingly more time for him to work that on that it did for me to process that jealousy.
And we have no news of her, I actually do not feel like sending a message, I think it would be polite but I do not know what the etiquette is there and I honestly think she doesn't really care... (ugly jaleous me) Do I really need to ?

So here come my questions :

-I alsmost called it quit after that experience, He did too, but I still want to try. It's a bummer for a first, I am scared to retry, it's like an inner battle.
Did you had also such experiences/feelings in the beginning ? How did you get over it ?

-I am very proud on the other hand that I tried it, I am not really into women but it unblocked something in me that I can't really explain towards other women, I feel more "connected" in some ways. Afterall I made her come which for a moment made me feel like a proud alpha male :D.
I still loved to see him fucking another women, just thinking about it (now) makes me horny. But during the event itself I completely lost track of that feeling, that is wierd... How do I get over that too ?Do you have tips for when you experience a drop ? How do you communicate that to you partner ?

- Was threesome a good idea to start with ?
It triggers insecurities and territoriality more than the rest I suppose... We are planning to go to a club next time and restart slow, on my pace, no touching hands no sleep over.

- I do not want to cockblock him ever again, how can I construct a set of "rules" in order to make everyone happy (including me) ? How did you do it ?

- And last, but not least, for people like me, that are in preoccupied attachments scale :
Is it everytime like that after ? I mean self doubting, questioning attachments, blah blah blah (you get the picture). Because I might need more therapy hours or extra work on myself to bring me to the place were I want to be. Basically Fierce and sexually free. If you have any tip, exercise that worked for you please share.

Oh and I do not believe that you are for life meant to be monogamous or not. I believe that people can change. I want to be free of my fears so I am working on it. He also has issues (who can tell me they do not have any?) but he us more the avoidant type. We are both conscious and willing participants.
So I am really wishing to share with you from that standing pov.
How could we make it better ?

This topic was edited
RE:Our first threesome and storm/insight warmly appreciated

I've been in the lifestyle for many years now..my second wife and I played with other singles and couples ..I can say you starting really great the key is communication with your partner and trust..that part you are doing great ..it sucks your first encounter was with a selfish person..
You gonna meet a lot of people like that ...I suggest your 3somes you should use another male and the fact that you get turned on watching your partner with another chin use a another couple for that...you will find that it will be a lot less drama..and no one will feel left out

This post was edited
RE:Our first threesome and storm/insight warmly appreciated

Thanks ! It actually feels good for me now after feeling so bad, I do not know for him we are living appart together ;) He is as sick as a dog now with a flue.

He had 2 different opposites feelings:

1- Feeling of hurting me (guilt) by continuing fucking her while I was in a fright. He said he noticed but continued (actually a few pump not four hours ahahahahah).
He is never been in such a long relationship before me so he experiences attachments on a different level. For him that guilt of hurting your partner, risk of disappointing me is new.
For me well, I have been married 13 years and kniw it all in that level. That is actually why I want a swinger lifestyle because I believe this is for me, the only way. I am staying on track hoping next week he will still be on board, we are not obliged to have the same processing. My emotions are mine to process his :his.
I told him many times that was ok but he frightened himself. I want to help him but aside of time and reassurance that I am ok now nothing could really help.

I still wonder why I am horny now about it and not on the moment itself ???
That is still a riddle to me ...

The second feeling was to feel cockblocked. I understand why !!! He didn't come at all while beeing teased all night ! I find that horrible but I couldn't sacrifice myself and not horny is not horny.
We both agree that there are not really guilty parties there, just a lack of experience . And also he had 2 girlfriends bi that let him cockblocked many times bi playing more with the other girl than letting him space, that must have opened an old wound.
So he felt angry and couldn't place his anger anywhere, that is shitty ;)
But hey it's a learning experience I guess (hope) next week we will laugh about it. I can :)

Thanks for confirming that we communicate well. That is my most precious thing with jim and I intend to keep it that wayforas long as we can. Once you tasted that type of open and respectful communication you never go back for less.
Even fighting with him, although tense, is way easier than with other as I know by now we always get out of it.

Sorry for the long story I am just terribly in need to share with people that gets it.

This post was edited
RE:Our first threesome and storm/insight warmly appreciated

Just wanted to say thank you for the post. I really don't have any information to contribute my only three way experiences were with my wife , ex for many years now , and our friend so MFM. All went well with many orgasmic moments.

This post was edited
RE:Our first threesome and storm/insight warmly appreciated

That's ok no worries..feel free to message me any time if you want to talk more

This post was edited
RE:Our first threesome and storm/insight warmly appreciated

Hi There!We are new here and as a little bit information of more experienced people makes you wiser here we go !I (woman) am new to swing lifestyle. I always fantasized about it but never really tried up untill last week with my partner of 4 years.He had threesome in the past and kept many nice memories about it.We were up untill now open to the discussion, I find we have a good communication but we remained monogamous till now due to my attachment style (I had issues that I worked on therapy) and to the fact that, actually, we were satisfied with each other.My therapy was over and I wanted to give it a go.We started with a threesome.I read the ethical slut like the bible and we invited the girl to eat with us in order to break the ice first.It went wel/neutral, I am not really Bi, more heteroflexible/sapiosexual.He was happy !So we invited her for the night, we book a suite in an hotel and we took good care that she felt at ease.She was more into me than into him which created a first akward point.Then she competed with me to get him everytime I tried to go back to my partner.For instance, she pushed my hand away from his dick to take it.She made herself come in every position possible with the both of us and my partner not really listening to what we both needed.The feelings I have got out of it is that we were dildo'sWell all of that description is my emotional vision , of course.I got a fright, got jaleous, eventually ending up cockblocking him as after 5 hours he didn't came and I got a huge drop I called it a night.I do not think I was the ethical slut I wanted to be. But so was nobody else in the room.I am sorry for her too but she said she enjoyed it, I found myself to be a pain in the ass (not litteraly we hadn't brought any strap on :P )So ... That didn't went really as planned :)We are over it now after 4 days full on talking but GOD that was HARD !It brought all my insecurities back, but that was good as I eventually got what triggered me (I had more difficulties seeing him touching her hand than enjoying her pussy) and he was sweet and caring listening to all of it.He was on the other hand super frustrated and it took surprisingly more time for him to work that on that it did for me to process that jealousy.And we have no news of her, I actually do not feel like sending a message, I think it would be polite but I do not know what the etiquette is there and I honestly think she doesn't really care... (ugly jaleous me) Do I really need to ?So here come my questions :-I alsmost called it quit after that experience, He did too, but I still want to try. It's a bummer for a first, I am scared to retry, it's like an inner battle.Did you had also such experiences/feelings in the beginning ? How did you get over it ?-I am very proud on the other hand that I tried it, I am not really into women but it unblocked something in me that I can't really explain towards other women, I feel more "connected" in some ways. Afterall I made her come which for a moment made me feel like a proud alpha male :D.I still loved to see him fucking another women, just thinking about it (now) makes me horny. But during the event itself I completely lost track of that feeling, that is wierd... How do I get over that too ?Do you have tips for when you experience a drop ? How do you communicate that to you partner ?- Was threesome a good idea to start with ?It triggers insecurities and territoriality more than the rest I suppose... We are planning to go to a club next time and restart slow, on my pace, no touching hands no sleep over.- I do not want to cockblock him ever again, how can I construct a set of "rules" in order to make everyone happy (including me) ? How did you do it ?- And last, but not least, for people like me, that are in preoccupied attachments scale :Is it everytime like that after ? I mean self doubting, questioning attachments, blah blah blah (you get the picture). Because I might need more therapy hours or extra work on myself to bring me to the place were I want to be. Basically Fierce and sexually free. If you have any tip, exercise that worked for you please share.Oh and I do not believe that you are for life meant to be monogamous or not. I believe that people can change. I want to be free of my fears so I am working on it. He also has issues (who can tell me they do not have any?) but he us more the avoidant type. We are both conscious and willing participants.So I am really wishing to share with you from that standing pov.How could we make it better ?

Here's the thing. Sometimes guests are inappropriate. Sometimes they are on purpose sometimes not. I like to lay down basic rules. Respect, direction, and pecking order. Everyone agrees. I also as the host NEVER let my guests see if I am hurt or angry. I deal with it afterwards. You were disrespected in your home. That was not cool and no one should put up with it, but it seems as if this is something that came up so to be discussed. Instead of saying "she was awful" say "I would have enjoyed it much more if the roles were defined and we both followed a basic script". I tended to leave some to him, some for both, and some just for me, we made our decisions based on whether we were into the person or not. I never left the room unless we set that up beforehand, I would sit watch and masturbate offering rare compliments and encouragement to give the other guy the sense of acceptance and that I was into it (usually was). If they were rude to either of us, we had a two warning rule. Once, twice, your out either partner, there is no excuse. No questioning or petitioning, i said his word was mine and he said the same.

The day I learned to see my love of his cock in me in the face of a younger man I had no reason to be jealous of but was, to see his need to have a stranger and not a partner and let go of the pain that I was causing myself, the pleasure flooded through me. I thought how lucky I was to have a man who could please so many others and still chose me at the end and still came in me not them. His friends to fuck me too...and to support him in making his sense of self and manhood grow and get supported as an older man who needs it just as I did but less as as sub. Some of it was magical three or four of us and me and him bascially making our love fit the others in, only possible when they are truly kind and sexually aware we never said we were a couple but on these three or four sessions they asked if we were and said they could feel the bond in the sex...which was hot and affirming.

Choosing a good third is about whether the person is honest, offers something, is not rude and is not demanding, or deceptive. You can filter out so many just on these, hottest ones sometimes yes but hot and not nice is not worth it. One offs are hard, because you have to do it all right there on the spot, but repeats can cause issues too. The other thing is you each should get something on your "turn". If it's only women and only for him, that's unfair unless you have that relationship already. If you want a man, say so. If you are going to do anal, suggest pegging for him, not all of the possibles will happen but by sharing the "choice" the one supports the other in their choice and vice versa.

Finally a good woman in third will lift up your womanhood and celebrate you as she offers herself to him and enjoys him. She will ask permission to do things at the start and you get to say I want you to feel free in my home to seek pleasure I am here to encourage this, but if you feel unsure or want to share, say so and we will share his penis or whatever....dress each other, spend intimate time close even if you don't do women, there are ways to make her and you feel more grounded.

Also, don't let your needs after go unmet if you feel like his penis should have been in you, express it. I like to use non verbal, which is tidy up, help her leave get a drink for him and then fluff the cock soft and sweet...that usually had him hard instantly and fucking in short order. He was feeling guilty because they both really liked it so I was super sub supportive and not demanding which is not what anyone imagines and that made me feel good and him feel not guilty.

Only you and he have the whole of the relationship. Love, lust sex, pleasure those are always shared outside in various ways, it's never unique to just two... we're told it can be, but I find that cloistering and weird. The thing is, do you get intimate time, time to grow, sex alone and do you learn in a three way how to make things better or fresh or what not to do? Do you both make sure the other is pleased? Are you honest? Men want others because they are sluts but also because they are insecure and worried they will fail so they "fail"...women put things aside and some is good and some isn't. but say what you love and need and celebrate his manhood instead of saying "i am angry I did not get" (this was a big step for me)...use more formal courtesy in group...please thank you youre welcome it sets the tone.

and that's a start.

This post was edited